Postcards From Across the Pond

Spain, this time. By mistake.

During our traditional holiday-booking session, we decided we’d like to try a different sort of outing, one that did not involve getting up at 7AM to get the bus at 8:00 for a 10-hour excursion to the world-famous Aloe fields of East Wherethefukarwestan. A chance to sit in the sun, read books, and set our own agenda. Somewhere in southern Portugal would be nice, so we put a pin in a map, booked the holiday, and only then realized it was in Spain. No bother; although my conversational Spanish is rubbish, my conversational Portuguese is non-existent.

Southern Spain is a short hop from Sussex, but this trip inspired a new maxim: the test of a good holiday is how quickly it makes you forget about the journey to get there. In this case, a two-and-a-half-hour plane trip took twelve hours. ‘Nuff said. But within an hour of our arrival, I had put that frustration behind, so, yeah, a good holiday.

What we failed to understand, in addition to what country we were going to, was that we would not be as close to civilization as other places we have stayed. It’s a resort. For adults. (Now, now, not that sort of adult resort, although I did wonder if the name Garden Playanatural might translate to “The Garden Where You Can Frolic Naked” but, alas, I was mistaken.) And never having stayed at a resort, we were surprised by its scale. The Playanatural compound is considerably larger than, say, a Premier Inn, with two resort-sized pools, a sauna, archery range, two bar/cafés, a massive dining area, two music venues, and an impressive number of optional diversions. It’s nice, and all-inclusive—which is a good thing because there is nothing outside the perimeter—but it didn’t take us long to realize we were basically on a cruise ship that wasn’t going anywhere.

By day three, however, having explored the full extent of the compound, we realized it wasn’t really that big. As a younger man, I wangled a jolly (as a CSEA Union Officer) to a week-long conference at the Concord in the Catskills. If the Playanatural is a cruise ship, the Concord was an aircraft carrier.

And our room compared favourably to a Premier Inn room (even Premier Plus), despite it being a surprising £30-per-night cheaper. While a Premier Inn room has superior coffee and tea making facilities, our resort accommodation had a LOT more room, ample closet space, a balcony complete with table and chairs, and a view that George Street, Glasgow couldn’t hold a candle to. (Apologies to all you Glaswegians.) OTOH, our resort bathroom did not have a soft-close toilet lid, whereas the Premier Inn does, so we’ll call it a draw.

Spending the week there doing pretty much nothing was quite appealing, mostly because it was for a week only. After that, it would have become horrifically boring. Mostly we swam, lounged by the pool, sat in the café with a beverage, read, and attempted to not stuff ourselves at the buffet.

We also marvelled at the building.

Having suffered four heat waves in Sussex, we were not thrilled to hear that the temperatures at our destination were due to be the same for the week we were there. Thankfully, although it was hot, it wasn’t that hot, and we hardly noticed. The buildings were whitewashed to reflect the heat; the walls thick, the floors stone, the ceilings high and fitted with horizontal openings to let the heat out and draw cool air into the lower levels. Shade, water, and greenery were everywhere, and unless we walked across an open courtyard, we couldn’t tell how hot it really was.

Build for the climate; that’s the key.

And while we’re intimating futureproofing, here are a few observations:

Gone are the days when a stay at a hotel meant you could stock up on tiny bottles of shampoo and conditioner. These days, the shampoo, conditioner, facewash, hand sanitizer, and body gel are all in boutique pump-bottles (filled with bargain-basement products) and riveted to the wall.

Additionally, and increasingly, hotels and resorts (such as the Playanatural) are offering buffets instead of sit-down meals. While buffets do have their advantages—eat at your own pace, take only as much or as little as you want, and eat only what you want—and disadvantages—people—their primary purpose is to save money. And on this holiday, that is all that is on offer because there are no restaurants within walking distance, and even if there were, it got dark there early, suddenly, and completely, and walking home in the dark was not something we cared to attempt.

But despite these minor issues, it was a grand holiday, and just what we wanted: doing nothing for a week and then leaving, because as exciting as going on holiday is, coming home is equally satisfying.